Don’t talk to me ’bout Manila
Don’t even mention ’bout Tondo
I live in Californ-i-a
Near the Chicanos of East LA
I’m now a ‘zen of the U S of A

Wanna tear out my black hair
Scrape out my brown skin
Gouge out my black eyes
Give me blonde, white and blue
I’m now a ‘zen of the U S of A

So I dyed my hair a diff’rent hue
And I wear contacts of blue
but damn this skin of brown
I’ll just say I’m tanned from the sun
I’m now a ‘zen of the U S of A

Won’t read of PNoy news
Nor even of corrupt GMA
I only like American strips
of stuff like wiener-showing Wiener
I’m now a ‘zen of the U S of A

Don’t wanna hear ’bout the Sayyaf
Or dead Pinoy marines
I just care ’bout my GIs
blown up in the Middle East
I’m now a ‘zen of the U S of A

I sing Stars and Stripes Forever
just like idol Josh Groban
and mangle Bayang Magiliw
as Martin Nievera does
I’m now a ‘zen of the U S of A

I could go on and on
Don’t care whatever you think
I may be short and brown like you
But I’m totally not like you
I’m now a ‘zen of the U S of A

Kris: Honey?
James: Duh…
Kris: What comes after the letter c?
James: Duh…
Kris: Thank you.

She proclaimed 1017 because she wanted more power. She was short-handed.

She forgot that the Philippines was once under Martial Law. She is short of memory.

During the crisis, the President rushed to and from the Palace. She developed shortness of breath.

Luckily for Filipinos Gloria’s proclamation and eventual lifting of 1017 were not long-winded. Her speeches were short and to the point.

She earns a decent salary as President of the Republic. She’s no longer short of cash.

A wire-tapped Palace conversation still to be verified:
The President: "Iggy, are my legs too short?"
Ignacio Bunye: "No, Ma’am. They reach the floor, don’t they?"

So the spokespersons trooped to the Presidential Palace with placards demanding that they be hired by the Dept. of Energy. To avert this impending crisis, Sen. Jinggoy Estrada filed a bill to place the Dept. of Energy as a department under the oil cartel. Sen. Lapid, however, rose and objected, citing stupidity on the part of his colleague (was he able to spell that last word?). “The oil cartel,” Sen. Lapid boomed as he slammed his fist on the podium, “is composed of Arabs! We cannot possibly place our Dept. of Energy under them. They will first have to become Filipino citizens!”

Jamby Madrigal, meanwhile, sat pensive. How can she connect this to illegal logging so she can get back at Mike Defensor?

May you have GMA’s HONOR, FVR’s INTEGRITY, Ping’s GENDER, Pidal’s HONESTY, Bacani’s PURITY, FPJ’s WISDOM and Cory’s … DAUGHTER!