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January 30, 2006
Unsolicited Advice for the Magdalo Soldiers
Dear Magdalo Soldiers (especially the ones who are on the run),
You did it all wrong!
In conducting that fiasco now known as the "Oakwood Mutiny," you may have won the sympathy of many Filipinos, but you've also turned off perhaps an equal number of them.
What you'd like to do is win the hearts of a majority of your countrymen, if not all. Here are some pointers on how you may be able to do it.
1. Find a pimp with a lot of influence. ABS-CBN seems to fit that role very well. They are a national pimp. The only risk with this is ABS-CBN might nary give you a side glance. So you go to plan #2.
2. Be a boxer and try to rise up the ranks a la Manny Pacquiao. Try not to settle for an undercard fight, lest you become completely ignored a la Jimrex Jaca, whose fight was actually more impressive than the Pacman's, but who didn't merit entrance into the august offices of Manila City Hall.
Once you've attained championship status, compose a song. It doesn't matter whether you can sing or not, whether it's mediocre or not. As long as you have it carried by Star Records, it's bound to be a hit (but only as long as you're famous).
The risk of this plan is that you get knocked out of oblivion and this is a long way to win the hearts of Filipinos. To go a shorter way, you might want to do this:
3. Join Pinoy Big Brother and stick it out for 3 months. I'm quite sure you're PBB quality. Whether you get to be top housemate or not, you'll still become famous, because ABS-CBN will milk every talent that passes under its aegis to get back its investments. The risk here is you might get evicted even before you can say, "kuya."
4. Become an actor and then run for the Senate. Here you'll have a legal medium to denounce the government and find allies who'll denounce along with you if the price is right or the showboating is worth it.
The risk in this move, however, is that you might enjoy this circus ...er... political sphere and rise to be President and become like the very person you want to topple.
So you see, my Magdalo heroes, you don't have to start a coup d` etat or armed uprising. Just try to win the hearts of Filipinos everywhere, because we're so forgiving and forgetful; we love soap operas (no matter if they come from Korea, Mexico or Timbuktoo); we drool over and then vote for airheads into political office; we like to watch mindless reality TV shows; we can't differentiate between popularity and intelligence; and, last but not least, we never learn.
Posted by francis at January 30, 2006 08:24 PM
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